Princess Without Her Castle
by dance of isis
Summary: The things you are, the things you love, the things you never want to lose ... it's all in the memory. [sasusaku]
1. out of mind, out of sight

**PRINCESS WITHOUT HER CASTLE. **

_the things you are, the things you love, the things you never want to lose..._

* * *

_Konoha. _

The word resounded in her head like a garbled instrumental, all saxophones and trumpets and the occasional off-tune violin.

Haruno Sakura remembered Konoha in the same way that she remembered how to breathe. She had seen Konoha from the other side of steel walls, through darkness and through a haze of blazing infernos, drifting, falling, _fading—_

(_Sasuke-kun, what are you doing?_)

The night had been black. Then the dark figure on the hill, red eyes glinting—Sasuke there beside her—

(_Sasuke-kun, is that—?_)

—and then there was a flash, electricity, and she found herself running and—

(**Sasuke-kun!)**

Sakura remembered. She remembered the feeling of rain against her skin, remembered the screaming and the fear—

But it remained in the darkest part of her mind, locked away, chained, _forgotten_.

It was there but she refused _to _relive it, to see it again, vivid colours and the blur of static and then crimson soaking through her shirt. Sakura refused to remember anything about _that_ _time_, and it replayed in her sub-conscious over and over, soaking up through her dreams—

_Konoha._

Haruno Sakura finally stepped outside the hospital, into the harsh light of day.

_The ninja princess of Konoha is __**back, **_it seemed to scream, though she didn't hear it.

* * *

"Sakura-chan's getting out today," Naruto commented offhandedly as he parried a chakra attack from the opposite end of the field.

"Hn," responded his training partner, launching another attack towards the blonde boy. He sighed, and then paused. "…what of it?"

"Well," Naruto ceased parrying and scratched his head sheepishly, trying to reason his way out of the suddenly awkward situation. He drew a blank. "Aren't you gonna go see her? I mean, almost a year of treatment and—"

Sasuke stared blankly. Although Naruto knew that the Uchiha comprehended every single insinuation he made, because Sasuke was _Sasuke _and he was above confusion. He just preferred to ignore certain conversation topics entirely. Especially when they centred around _her. _The forbidden subject. The pain. The _memories_.

"Look," the blonde attempted. "Just go say hi or something, will you?"

"No point," Sasuke responded gruffly, making swift movements with his hands to begin the training session over again.

He pretended that the comment didn't bother him as much as it did, although Naruto could easily see the beads of sweat forming on his brow. The way his jutsu seemed fractionally slower than normal, and the way the Sharingan flashed briefly behind his eyes.

"Teme," Naruto enunciated slowly. "I _know _what happened, okay? Everyone does. Well, except for—"

"Shut it, dobe," the Uchiha snapped, regarding him coldly. "Let's just train."

Sometimes Naruto wished that he had an access key to the boy's mind, so he could at least gain a general understanding of _how _he thought; Sasuke thought in so many layers and with such a complexity that it was simply _frustrating_.

_Just drop it. _

* * *

The Hokage, Sakura decided, was an influential woman. She tried to remember her name, tried to remember the way her lips moved. The plague on the desk read 'Tsunade' and she was smirking but Sakura was _trying_, just trying, to bring up something, anything—

Nothing came.

(_Sakura, I don't want you getting involved. I know, as a medic, you––_)

"Now, Sakura," the _well-endowed _(Sakura was slightly envious) woman raised an eyebrow at her. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm … I'm fine," said Sakura.

_**What am I supposed to say? **_raged the inner side of herself, something which she had grown accustomed to all over again. _**That everything's perfectly okay, that I'm just **_**peachy? **_**Right. **_

Her inner self seemed to be debating something. _**How would it ever be okay? **_

Sakura sighed to herself, picking at the hem of her dress. It was her 'favourite' dress apparently, an unflattering shade of red, and slightly too small for her. Her mother had beamed, _insisting_—oh Sakura dear, it looks lovely, you'll wear it, won't you?—and the smile on her face had been too strained, too broken, for Sakura to ignore it.

She tightened her grip on the worn fabric. _Did I really used to be that predictable…? _

"Of course, you're our best medic, to be blunt," Tsunade frowned. "You _were _our best medic. It has been discussed between council members whether you should be reintegrated into the Chunin program for a trial period to see if you can … _get the hang of it_ again, so to speak," Tsunade paused, tapping elongated fingernails against the oak of the desk. "Only if you're willing. And apparently you told your parents that—"

"—I don't know if I can _be _a ninja," Sakura interjected quickly. "It's just that—"

_It's so surreal. How could I ever be that strong? _

_**Cha! Just kick ass, you idiot! **_screamed the voluptuous and rowdy voice, raising to new and exciting decibels in her mind. Sakura involuntarily winced, staring down at ivory hands. There were calluses and scars from past missions, a past life that seemed to almost exist in a different reality.

"In my opinion, I think you'd be able to pick things up rather quickly. We would have a special training program, specifically focusing on medical jutsus and the basics you'll need for everyday use. It's a good opportunity, one that shouldn't be turned down because of fear," Tsunade tried to assess, to _evaluate_, but Sakura was hard to read. The girl seemed to exist in her own world. Perhaps she'd have to ask Kakashi to talk with her.

"I just … everyone told me that I had been," Sakura pondered slowly. "But I can't really imagine myself … y'know, _being _one. I don't have the…"

_The anything._

She'd reverted, noted the Hokage. The psychiatrists had mentioned it would be possible for her to revert back to what she'd been before she'd graduated from the academy; on the sidelines, with all that potential and no proper training to back it. No knowledge, no power, no confidence. _Weak. _

Sakura squeezed her eyes shut, willing herself to recall _anything_, anything at all from training she'd once endured.

Nothing.

(_C'mon, Sakura-chan, use genjutsu! It'll throw him off! Go! __**Go!**_)

"…Sakura?"

"Sorry," apologised the girl quickly. "Can I … can I think about it, maybe? I dunno. It sounds sort of unrealistic. It sounds like—"

_A fantasy. Make-believe. The fairytale princess girl fighting evil and saving the world from big bad monsters. Could I really…? _

Tsunade sighed, feeling a familiar ache somewhere around her abdomen; regret. At one point, it had been everything Sakura had, everything she knew. Her only weapon with which to prove herself. And as soon as the erratic hilarity of Sakura's words died down, it was replaced with the sort of self-destructive sadness that she was more accustomed to.

"Is that so?" she asked slowly.

Sakura took in a deep breath, exhaling noisily as she wrung her hands. It was as though she was moving in a trance, meeting with people who knew her but who stuck to her memory and then slipped away again. Forgotten. _Tsunade, Tsunade, Tsunade_, she chanted in her mind, but it probably wouldn't do much good. She could memorise the name, but it didn't memorise the person.

_Why? _

"I'm sorry?" she hazarded.

"Why should you be? What happened isn't your fault," Tsunade said pleasantly.

Sakura bit her lip. Her parents had skirted around the issue, claiming that it was not worth remembering, that it was what made her forget, that it wasn't _important_. Some of the doctors had mentioned an 'ordeal', a trauma-induced coma from certain 'experiences' yet she hadn't ever heard anyone directly talk about _what happened_.

Not to her face.

(_Sakura! __**Don't!**_)

"…what… **did **happen?" Sakura made sure to sound feeble and pleading.

"I wasn't there," the Hokage pretended to be busily inspecting some files, and then looked up. Sakura was donning her infamous 'bug-eyed' expression, which she fondly remembered from training sessions just before she had pounded the poor girl with concrete or perhaps a tree trunk.

"You should ask someone who was," Tsunade added. _Hint, hint._

Sakura _did _know the insinuation here, and frowned.

Her parents had explained to her that she had befriended two boys; Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke. They had offered she see them, but Sakura had refused. _I don't know them, but they know me, _was her defence. She _did _know them, but she didn't _remember _them, said the doctors. There's a difference.

(_Sasuke-kun, is that—?_)

"H-hai," Sakura nodded, standing and transferring her gaze to the floorboards. "I'm sorry, Hokage-sama, but my parents are expecting me for lunch and I promised them that I would—"

_After a year of her parents helping her through her therapy, she's come to love and regard them as though she's known them all her life, _Tsunade mused. _Would she do the same for lost friends?_

"You're free to go, Sakura."

* * *

"Please?"

"...no."

"_Please?_"

A sigh.

"Pleeeease?"

"**No**."

Naruto pouted. He had tried, for the umpteenth time, to convince Sasuke that visiting their pink-haired ex-teammate who neither of them had seen in a year was a _good idea_. Of course, Naruto was aware that Sakura's parents would probably not allow them to, as were 'their daughter's wishes'. But Sasuke was an _Uchiha_. Everyone in the village adored him.

_Sasuke _was the only one who would be able to get through Sakura's wide forehead.

"Why not? You're just making it worse for yourself!" protested the blonde. "You're thinking that, okay, I'll just live in sin. But teme, it doesn't _work _like that. You gotta work for happiness, sure, but seriously, you ain't doing a _thing_! Believe it!"

Sasuke stared at him, cautiously blank. "…whatever, dobe." _This isn't my problem anymore. It's out of my control. _

Naruto sighed. Why couldn't it just—?

"I won't ask you for ramen for the next year?" he tried.

"…I said **no**."

* * *

Sakura looked around her bedroom in distaste. Every inch of it had that _vile _red colour plastered _somewhere_, and all the photos lining one wall depicted two boys and herself, and she _didn't want to know_––

(_Sasuke-kun! Naruto! __**What **__are you guys doing? Hurry __**up!**_)

_**Why can't they just leave me alone? **_her inner self growled. She sunk into her bed, hugging her knees to her chest and shivering. Her parents were downstairs, preparing her 'favourite' lunch and tonight they would take her to her 'favourite' performance. She wanted to yell and scream; _you don't know me! I'm not the Sakura you love! _but that wasn't exactly the truth.

_She _had stayed the same, but everyone else had changed. Everything else she found she delighted in as much as her parents professed she would, and she _hated _them for it.

_I don't want you to know me. I don't __**want **__people to know me! _

…_I just want to be able to know __**myself**__. _

She glanced at the pictures. On the back of one that was lying on the mantel, in hastily scrawled handwriting, was '_Team Seven! Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto! __**Friends forever!**_'. It was her _own _handwriting.

She threw the picture as far away from her as she could, and watched it flop feebly unto the wooden floor.

Konoha.

Her hometown. She had never lived anywhere else. And yet she couldn't even fathom one memory of it, one time of happiness she'd spent—

(_No! Stop tickling! Stop it! Aagh, mercy, mercy!_)

The doctors had termed it bluntly. _Move on, and start a new life_.

_**How the hell can I when everyone wants me to be ME?**_

Tsunade had sent her a pass into the ninja medical facility, in the hopes that she'd come and try to 'spread her magic'. Sakura flung the pass into the trashcan, hoping that emphasised the point that she _didn't want to be a ninja_. Mastering jutsu, performing works of splendour, fighting off enemy intruders; none of it fitted with her perception of herself. It was a jigsaw puzzle that had lost its pieces.

She knew that, somewhere, she was thrilled by the possibility that _maybe _she could remember. Maybe, _maybe_—maybe one day she would wake up, and be Haruno Sakura again. The medic. The teammate. The ninja.

"Sakura, honey," her mother poked her head around the door, frowning a little. "Would you go into town and get me some vegetables? I've run out of a few ingredients for the stir-fry."

"Go … into town?" Sakura was blank.

"It's only at the end of the street," assured her mother. "You'll be fine, dear. Just get these items, please?" Sakura still looked unsure, so she appealed to her guilty side with, "For me?"

Sakura sighed, reaching for her shoes. "Sure, whatever." _At least it'll take my mind off things. _

(_Sakura, can you go to the shops, please? Thanks!_)

* * *

Sasuke trudged down the street, eyes glued to the ground. The heat of Konoha had always annoyed him. However, the wind did not understand the concept of 'cease and desist'. It fluttered past him, blowing petals off of the cherry blossom trees and causing them to nest in his spikes of raven hair. He groaned.

_Stop it, _he commanded the higher powers, hoping they would listen.

He shook his head. Why should he worry about _her_? She had chosen to separate herself from Naruto and him, and he had accepted it. After all, what had happened was—

He stopped himself. _No. I won't. I can't. _

It had been a year since thoughts of what had happened had crossed his mind, and in that year he had promised to forget about Sakura _and _everything else. He found it ironic, though, that _he _had the choice to forget and that was what was making it hardest of all—

_She didn't._

* * *

_End of the street, huh? _

Sakura looked around her at the assortment and jumble of different stores, none of them seeming to stock the items she needed. Her grip tightened around the paper that was balled up in her fist, and she pleaded mentally that someone, _anyone, _would point her in the right direction without her having to ask.

_**Just go FIND it, ya big wuss! Cha!**_

Inner-Sakura, as she had officially dubbed 'the voice', clanged around in her head like a badly played drum set. She looked down at her white sandals, feigning interest, before someone who was similarly staring down at _his _shoes walked straight into her.

"Oh—!" she almost tripped, but a hand snaked around to grab her wrist as she toppled forwards, and when she looked up, she was staring straight into the onyx eyes of those pictures in her room.

"Th—" she paused, stopped, and choked on the air around her. _Sasuke_. She knew the name to the person, but not _the _person. She shivered in his grip. It was familiar, tantalising, but—

(_Sasuke-kun! What are you __**doing?**_)

_Nononononono—_

"…Sakura," he addressed curtly.

* * *

Haruno Sakura _remembered _things, but they lay forgotten in depths that had been submerged. Her world was a lost dream, her life a mess of everything that _had _been and that _could've _been. Sakura was a girl who had possibilities that had been lost in transit. Sakura was _broken_, missing pieces of herself, the girl who was once whole.

The 'ninja princess' of Konoha; she had been the doe-eyed, pink-haired girl who had risen through the ranks with intellect and a mastering of genjutsu. Amazing chakra control. Sakura did not _want _to be that princess, that person, did not want to have _that life_.

But _that life _chased her through her dreams, through reality, and right now she wished that she could just _remember_.

_**Stupid contradictions.**_

* * *

_...it's all in the memory. _

A/N: Don't own Naruto. (Yes, I edited this chapter slightly.)--I like it much better now.

* * *


	2. running circles around myself

_in memory they've held..._

* * *

"…Sakura," he said, _just like that_, as if that somehow made everything sensible.

Haruno Sakura knew who he was—knew how the nurses at the hospital had talked about him, how he had _protected _her, he was the _hero_, last of the Uchiha clan—but there was so much more to learn.

"…you're…" she feigned innocence, ignorance, _anything _that would cause him to release her and stop with the vice-grip. "…Sasuke, right?"

It had been a year. She had refused every attempt they'd made to socialise with her, locked herself away in her room and willed them to leave her alone. Being alone was a _choice_, one not made lightly, and she had just made hers, as he had done all those years ago.

Sasuke levelled her with a gaze that she thought, had she known better, could've frozen Hell over. And he released her wrist, glaring straight through her, past her, to some alternate dimension where he was lost in his own whirlwind of thoughts.

(_Sasuke-kun! I __**love you!**_)

"…yes," he responded eventually, shoving his hands in his pockets.

Sakura felt that, somewhere, she had grown used to this behaviour. She didn't flinch, or question, or bid him farewell and hurry off. It was strange, but somehow she felt that—

(…_Sasuke-kun…just don't worry about it because––_)

_What is he to me…? _Her heart shuddered, fluttering, aching.

She frowned, eyes deciphering the codes that the cracks in the pavement made. "My parents told me about you," she said quietly, hoping that he might not hear. "They said that we were friends?" it was as if, she realised, she was seeking his acceptance or acknowledgement or … for him to say _anything_.

To yell, to berate her stupidity, to tell her about what happened, to beg that she try to remember, to do something. But he didn't. Merely gave her a cautiously blank stare, although she felt as though he just wasn't looking at _her_. He was looking at who she had been, as though he wanted that person to come back. As though he was expecting a lot more from her than what he was getting.

"…_were_," he hissed, so sullenly that he sounded almost childish. But it was incredibly icy, incredibly bitter and wintry, as though he had perfected sounding completely devoid of anything.

_Well, isn't that something? _

_**Idiot! A second ago you didn't WANT to be involved; you wanted everyone to leave you alone, and now—**_

_Now I want to remember because I can feel … I feel that I know him. My heart…_

"Okay," she responded, pretending to be unperturbed, pretending that they were mere acquaintances exchanging a good word about the weather or the price of carrots. "Well, it was … nice meeting you, Sasuke. I wondered…"

She shook her head, thought better of it, and turned away. _This is the strangest conversation __**ever, **_she thought, _it is because it's awkward, and because I don't know why. But I want to, I want to make the look on his face go away, it's just __**so**_**…**

But she had spent so long analysing his picture, searching for memories, while at the same time convincing herself that she wanted to have no part in this life…

… and it was hard to let go.

(_Sasuke-kun! Over here!_)

"Um," he was still standing in the same spot, and she nodded at him. "I'm sorry."

It was all she could say.

* * *

Sasuke watched her go with the same ferociousness that he had first felt upon hearing of—everything. Her refusal to see them, to know them. And now she seemed to be caught halfway. Sasuke glared. It could've gone better; it could've been a _reunion, _in which he told her what had happened and what they had both done and then maybe—

Maybe she wouldn't be so adamant to get away.

_Hmph. I knew Naruto's idea was only trouble._

Naruto, he knew, would probably track Sakura-_chan _down sooner or later and befriend her, be openly cheerful, invite her out to ramen so that something might be triggered. Sasuke knew better. Even if Sakura _did _agree and _did _feel the same feelings as she had before, she would never be who she had been. And if that display had been any indication—

_She doesn't want to be near me. She's scared. _

What if she wanted to know what happened? The key to her past all centred on that event, that circumstance, and if she never knew …

_I don't care. It's her decision. It's not my place._

And Sasuke did what he hadn't been able to do in a _long _time when concerning her: he dropped the matter.

Maybe Naruto wanted to train more.

* * *

Sakura cursed, dropping the grocery bag full of the elusive vegetables onto the countertop and fathoming the most intense glare that she could as her mother beamed at her, untroubled.

"You said it was at the end of the street."

"Well, I was never very _exact _at geography, dear—"

"You _said _it was at the _end of the street_."

"I never said literally—"

"Well," Sakura protested. "I _took _it literally! And then I was walking and I crashed into Sasuke-ku—!" she stopped abruptly, gluing her mouth shut.

_Sasuke-kun. _It was written all over the pictures she had of him. _Sasuke-kun_. She'd memorised the name, but had never thought of the importance of the honorific and—

"**Gods**," her eyes bulged and she bit her lip.

"Sakura, dear?" her mother inquired worriedly. "You said that you met…? Oh, dear…"

She balled her fists.

"Why does everyone sound _sorry_, like it's the worst thing in the world?" asked the girl irritably as she slid off the bar stool and gulped, breathing in air like it was the only thing she had left. "Sasuke isn't … wasn't … isn't _interested_! That's all there is to it! Everyone thinks some weird teen drama is going to unfold, when it's not, because we both have different lives now!"

_And I said I wanted to move on and not be who they wanted me to be._

_**You LIED.**_

"And I'm … moving on. I'm not going to spend every waking moment trying to remember something that I just won't—"

(_So, Sasuke-kun, don't you think the cherry blossom trees are beautiful?_)

"—because it's **stupid**! It's gone and past and I won't remember it anyway. It's _gone_! Gone, gone, gone, gone…" she sunk to the ground. "Gone…"

_Then why do I try so hard to bring it back?_

Haruno Sakura _remembered _Konoha, and Sasuke, but she couldn't find the memories. She was lost in a nightmare-land, and everything was a walking dream where people didn't matter, where recollections were nothing, where everything turned to ash in her mouth.

"Sakura…" her mother wrapped her arms around her, hugging her close. "But you didn't need to remember us, did you?"

_Mum … dad … I call you that even when I don't __**know.**_

"It's different," she murmured against her mother's apron, willing anything to come back to her and then feeling like a hypocrite.

She wanted to remember so that she could stop drowning in a lake of confusion. She didn't want to remember because she was scared that what she did remember would be—

_Different _to what she wanted. A new life with friends, family; a new life as a _medic-nin_, training under the Hokage.

Sakura wasn't sure if she wanted that.

_I'm not sure of anything._

* * *

"It didn't work?" Naruto's face fell.

"What the **hell **do you mean?" Sasuke asked tiredly.

"I thought maybe she'd see you … and something would come back, _or _you'd tell her, or there'd be something dramatic, or—"

"This is reality, dobe."

"But it—"

"She's _not _going to remember," Sasuke growled. "Ever. **Ever**. You hear me? The Sakura we knew is gone." _Good as dead._

"She's still the same," said Naruto, swirling a finger around in his ramen dejectedly. "She's still _our _Sakura, she just—"

"Doesn't remember anything?" Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Memories make you what you are. Sakura has none."

"Then why don't we get to know her all over again?" suggested the blonde. "She'll have the same _traits_, the same _skills_, she'll be Sakura and we'll just—"

"Naruto, don't be an **idiot**."

_Nothing is ever that simple._

* * *

"No!" Sakura was _furious_.

"But," her mother pleaded. "The Hokage-sama said that it would be…"

"_No!_" she repeated. "Kami, why does everyone feel like interfering with my life is perfectly acceptable? It's _my _life! And why should I speak to this Hatake Kakashi when he's my _ex-_sensei? When I don't even remember him? You let me refuse to speak to the others, so why not _him_?"

"Don't speak about your condition like that, please."

"Well, it's the truth, isn't it?"

"The Hokage issued an order stating that Kakashi is permitted to psychologically assess you, Haruno Sakura," her mother rose to her full height. "And you may complain all you like, but you are not going to disobey the Hokage while you still live under my roof, whether you remember this man or not."

_**Psychological assessment!? Who do these people think I am? Some sort of lab rat? **_and Sakura found herself, again, agreeing whole-heartedly with her inner-self.

"The Hokage can shove her stupid _order _where it fits," Sakura responded.

Her mother sighed tiredly. Sakura had always been bad-tempered, even to the point where she would resort to physical violence, but now she was missing the two most important people in her life—

And now that anger was hurting her, and it was the worst thing in the world to watch; her daughter deteriorating because of her own stubbornness.

_When I saw Sasuke, it hurt … because he knew, he remembered, and I didn't. But I wanted to talk to him, and then … he wasn't looking at me, he was looking at the girl he __**knew **__and that's—_

_Not me._

She felt the tears well up.

_Can I ever compare to that girl? Can I ever be better? Or will people always be disappointed in me? Think I'm a shadow?_

_**We'll show them, Sakura! We'll be better! We'll start over! No more dwelling!**_

"Sakura, please," her mother attempted again.

"Fine," she complied. "I'll see this Kakashi. For a _psychological assessment_."

_If I start over, then … does that mean I have to cast away everything I had?_

_**You don't remember what you had.**_

_That's right … I already lost it._

Sakura should've felt empowered by this. She should've felt as though she were ridding herself of a weight; to the rest of Konoha, Haruno Sakura could be dead and she could be different. But something stopped her. She _knew _there had been people who loved her, cared about her, fought for her. Could she really just cast all those feelings away and pretend they had never existed, because they hadn't for her?

Could she really pretend that just because _she _had forgotten it had all been worthless?

_When I saw Sasuke…_

Hadn't she wanted to know what had happened when she had visited the Hokage?

_That was before they all forced it on me. _

She opened her eyes.

_I'll be better. I can. I will. _

She wasn't giving up on that past yet, if only out of respect for the people that it had involved. Those who still remembered with amazing ferocity the Haruno Sakura that had existed before _what happened_—

_**Cha!**_

_Will I ever find out?_

* * *

Hatake Kakashi was fully expecting the girl to turn a blind eye to the Hokage's request for a 'psychological assessment', and was indeed very surprised when she turned up at the determined location. He had seen her a year prior, flaunting her strength with her hair cropped short and her boyish mannerisms making her seem more like a ninja than ever.

Now … her hair touched her shoulders, which were hunched, and she tried to appear as small as possible. He furrowed his brow. It was easy to tell that she was _confused_—

As anyone in her position would be.

_Interesting._

Out of the three, Sakura had never needed his help. She matured on her own, progressing into womanhood with a flourish and that amazing chakra control. The woman who stood before him now was in need of help. In _dire _need.

But he was unsure whether it was help he could give.

"Haruno Sakura?"

"Cut the crap," she retorted bitingly. "You know who I am, Hatake Kakashi."

_She still retains __**some **__elements of her personality. _

"Indeed I do," he nodded at her, beckoning for her to take a seat. She stood resolutely, frowning. "But do you?"

She bit her lip. "…is this what I came here for? So you could just make me wish I wasn't here?"

He laughed. _She's still got her fire. She's just rusty. _"That wasn't my intention, no," he admitted. "I just wanted to ask you some questions … give you advice. That sort of thing."

Her frown deepened. "Didn't I go through all the therapy already?"

"This is the Hokage's idea, so all questions can be directed to her, I'm sure."

_Oh, they will be, _she thought savagely.

"Go on, then," Sakura gave in and sat, tucking loose strands of hair behind her ear before consulting her brain for information on this Kakashi. She remembered being told he was her ex-sensei; the sensei of team seven.

(_Kakashi-sensei! You're late __**again**__! Geez. Lost on the path of life my left foot!_)

Remembered. She hated that word.

"Firstly, have you had any dreams or hallucinations pertaining to what you think might be memories?"

She stared at him blankly. "No. Is that possible?"

"Sometimes certain emotional states can cause reactions … and sometimes no memory is ever recalled," Kakashi said it so casually, so _goddamned _nonchalantly, that Sakura felt like throttling him. But she was an out-of-practice Chunin, and he would probably restrain her before she even finished thinking about it.

"Indeed," she remarked dryly.

"Have you ever felt a connection to somebody even if you hardly know them personally? Someone that perhaps you have been told about?"

Sakura gulped.

_Sasuke. _

(_Sasuke-kun!_)

"…maybe."

"Hmm?"

She glared. "When I—saw somebody before … Uchiha Sasuke. It felt like I _should _know him. I'd been told about him."

_But I have no idea what he's like. I just think that…_

Kakashi's eyes wrinkled; a sure-fire way of guaranteeing that he was smiling underneath that mask of his. "You talk to me as though we've known each other… you say you felt like you should know Sasuke … people have been telling you things about us and while you do not retain your memories, you have a basic idea of the people you knew."

She glared again. "Your point?"

"It's progress. I thought you would purposely not seek to find out about anyone. That you'd shut yourself away."

"I—" hadn't that been what she was intending to do?

_You don't know me. You know Haruno Sakura, the Chunin medic-nin from Team Seven. __**That's **__who you know…_

_But … I wonder if I could ever be…_

"Stop it," she told him harshly. "The doctors said that I wouldn't ever recover completely. I don't want to disillusion myself. And there's no point with formalities if you _know _the person you're talking to knows you well. There's no _point_."

She was angry. She had been angry since her accidental meeting with Sasuke. She was angry at _everything._

_Why did this have to happen? Why? __**WHY?**_

"Wouldn't it be nice to get to know the people you loved before?" asked Kakashi, eyebrow raising.

"They'll never treat me the same way," she spat bitterly. "They know me like I don't know them. If I befriended them then—I'd be a shadow, wouldn't I? Just the reflection of something that I was … and if they thought of me like that, then…"

_Why am I telling you this? Why is it even important?_

She paused.

_Because I __**knew **__him._

"From experience," said Kakashi. "Friends help. Even if you don't consider them as such, they consider you a friend. They would do anything in their power to make you comfortable. They've been informed. They know you won't recover. Perhaps if you at least try then you won't be subject to this much _confusion_."

Sakura narrowed her eyes. "Is that so?"

"Life is too short to live alone, just because you fear the consequences of losing everything you once had. Just because you fear… your memories."

And Kakashi was speaking to her as though she were his daughter, and she _hated _that because she had no idea who he was, but—

She gulped, choking on air.

_If I can know them all over again … can I be happy?_

Something within her calmed.

Her inner-self was unusually quiet.

"Thankyou," she told him.

_You should be a counsellor. Or maybe you already are._

Kakashi just eye-smiled.

* * *

Sakura confined herself to her room after this so-called 'psychological assessment'. Had the point of it, she thought, been to encourage her to go back to her friends, so that she'd be more comfortable with being a ninja?

_The Hokage wants me to be the perfect ninja medic-nin Sakura, _she thought bitterly. _And perhaps if I …_

_**Kami, girl, you're indecisive!**_

She shook her head free of the thoughts. _You're right._

Her curtains fluttered a little out of the corner of her eye. Sakura frowned. It hadn't been particularly breezy today, and neither had the wind been strong enough—suddenly, her senses felt as though they were filled with water, and she could hardly breathe through the intensity of—

(_There's someone there. I can feel their chakra patterns._)

The word _chakra _flashed through her brain before she knew what was going on. She rose to her feet and shivered at the prospect of someone being outside her window, with _that _much chakra, choking her with—

_I'm not used to sensing it._

"Who's there?" she asked defiantly, addressing the cream-white curtains.

There was another fluttering and she felt the energy recede. Her brow furrowed. _What in the world…?_

She cautiously made her way over to the window, and noticed paper folded up in the shape of a very haphazard swan. She raised an eyebrow.

_Origami?_

She opened the paper, eyes glued to the words that were revealed.

"_The __**Konoha Park**__, 11.00am – 3.00pm, tomorrow … be there!"_

_**That's … really random. **_

* * *

"You … did … **what**?"

"I said," Naruto seemed _immensely _proud of himself. "I sent her one of those origami things telling her to come to the park tomorrow, and then we can be there, and … ta dah! It's perfect!"

_Except for the part where it's ridiculous, _Sasuke rolled his eyes, 'hmph'ing.

"I spoke to Kakashi and he says that—"

"Shut up, dobe."

Sasuke was _not _impressed.

(_Oh, Sasuke-kun, let's go to the park!_)

_Ugh. _

* * *


	3. the cold hearts of fallen stars

_i've seen your flag on the marble arch…  
__but love is not a victory march_

* * *

_Who do you think it was who sent the letter?_

_**How should I know?**_

_It wouldn't have been __**Sasuke **__… I may not know him, but he doesn't seem like––but, do I go?_

_**Go for gold, girl!**_

_Whatever that is._

Sakura knew that conversing with a rediscovered 'inner self' was probably not the most advisable methods of gaining sound advice, but she was _not _about to ask her parents. She did not want their biased viewpoint as they exchanged looks she had lost the ability to read a year ago.

She squeezed her eyes shut and willed for herself to go to sleep. It wasn't the end of the world, whichever decision she made. Right now, it was past midnight and she'd had a hectic day––her first day back in the world of Konoha, of ninja, and away from hospitals and whitewash walls and stupid gowns and patronising therapists––

(_I want to work in the hospital, you know, when I'm better at this._)

"Goodnight, me," she muttered to herself, turning over and sighing.

Sakura's dreams, during the year period of recuperation, had been mostly bizarre happenings and things like teapots sticking to the ceiling. Nothing that made any coherent sense; nothing _interesting_.

Tonight, however, was different.

Flashes of cherry blossoms and blood-stained _somethings _glittered at her from the depths of her sub-conscious, and for a moment, Sasuke's face burst into her mind with such a ferocity that she woke up the next morning with her eyes burning.

…_what the…?_

_**Sakura**__, _said her inner-self, _seriously _in fact, and that was what made her listen, _**go today and be among the people who might know stuff, AND tell it, too. **_

She concurred, only after Inner-Sakura gave her a headache due to her hesitation.

* * *

_Blue. Red. Green. Yellow._

She was absently registering the colours as she walked down the sidewalk, fiddling with the hem of her shirt. _Red. Green. Blue. _Her eyes drifted from one side to the other, vacant.

_Konoha. __**Konoha.**_

Flashes of her dream came back to her, sliding across her mind like vapour. There had been blood, flashes of cherry-pink, and that certain knowledge of pain.

_What happened to me…?_

* * *

Sasuke was pacing back and forth relentlessly, occasionally pausing in his tirade to send a glare in Naruto's direction. The blonde was leaning against a tree casually, not intimidated in the slightest.

The ebony-haired boy suddenly whirled around to face Naruto. "_You_––"

"Yes, the world already **knows **I've severely wronged you," Naruto interrupted. "You've tried to lecture me about ten times already, but I can tell you're nervous."

"…hn."

"You saw her yesterday, and you realised how much you _missed _her––"

"She's not Sakura," Sasuke snapped, with so much contempt that Naruto doubled back. He snarled in a way which suggested that it was a small hope he clung to; a conclusion he'd driven into his brain by force, just to convince himself that that meant he had moved on.

Naruto was giving him a Look; one that screamed of sympathy. Sasuke glared.

"You think it's your fault, don't you?" the blonde boy asked, giving his best friend an appraising look.

The Uchiha didn't respond, merely kicked loose pebbles away irritably, suddenly feeling as if the world was deliberately against him.

"You _do!_" Naruto grinned in triumph at having figured out the cause for Sasuke's incredibly bad mood. "You think it's your fault she's like this, and you're angry she doesn't remember because you _want _to be blamed––"

"Shut the fuck up, dobe," Sasuke snarled, eyes flashing red as the Sharingan activated itself due to its owner's precarious control. Ever since Sakura's accident a year prior, it had been difficult to access, almost entirely depending on emotions.

Naruto stared at him impassively. "Nothing happens when nothing happens, teme."

"Idiot," Sasuke breathed, whirling around and stalking off. He had no time for Naruto's childish games, and the simplistic belief that Sakura would somehow magically transform herself to match who she had been.

_Their _Sakura––_his _Sakura––was in a place impervious to infiltration, out of reach, and it was something he had accepted months ago. He would not have _Naruto _attempting to convince him otherwise. Sasuke was nothing if not logical.

An arm fuelled by chakra that was not quite his own halted his exit.

"Teme––" Naruto growled dangerously, fox-eyes momentarily visible. "You are _not _doing this to Sakura-chan. I won't let you."

"…I'm nothing to her," Sasuke responded, expressionless. "And she's nothing to me, dobe."

He shrugged out of his grasp, intent on leaving as soon as possible, but was stopped again when he noticed the girl with flaming pink hair who had just entered the park.

He narrowed his eyes. _Damnit. _

There was a part of him that firmly believed the Sakura he had come to grudgingly respect as a teammate was lost to them forever, and that future interaction with the imposter who had taken up residence in her body was futile. But there was a stronger part of him which harboured doubts about this theory, which was tentative and hesitant to accept the girl back into his life, but wanted her there all the same. And perhaps Naruto had cottoned on to this concept, or had stumbled across it due to sheer luck, but Sasuke found himself unable to leave once he spotted her.

Naruto had always considered his best friend, his _rival, _as an impenetrable being with strong fortifications surrounding his person at all times. Someone who was contained within miles of barbed wire and bear traps. He had seen Sasuke's barriers be slowly broken down, before his very eyes, and had seen them shoot up again in a hasty attempt at self-preservation.

But never before had he seen the queer look that passed into the other boy's eyes when he spotted Sakura.

* * *

Sakura entered the clearing that passed for a park with reluctance. She had spotted the guy with the blonde shock of hair that she supposed was the one they had called Naruto at the hospital––the one they'd always spoken of in hurried whispers, as though he were a forbidden subject or like to persecute them for rumours.

To Sakura, he largely looked like a moron.

Her gaze slid to the other figure, and her heart slowed to an unequivocal stop. Sasuke. Running into him earlier had maxed out her people skills for the next decade, and seeing him with a recalcitrant look on his face and his hands shoved into his pockets did not help her nervousness.

"Sakura-chan!" greeted Naruto with a bubbling sort of infectious mirth that shimmered about him, almost visibly. It seemed familiar to Sakura, in a way that nothing else had so far.

(_Sakura-chan! How 'bout we go get some ramen together?_)

"H-hello," she intoned as politely as she could manage, wringing her hands.

There was a perceptible change in her demeanour, Naruto noted. She moved as if almost ashamed to be seen, like the helpless damsel she had been in her tweens; all that strength and determination she had poured into becoming a competent medic-nin lost. He felt his heart go out to her, but refrained from mentioning it.

"I'm Naruto," he said, holding out a hand warmly. "Believe it! I was your teammate back when you were a ninja. I know that you haven't exactly wanted to catch up with us, but I asked you here to prove you wrong! The teme and I were your best friends."

_Stupid, _Sasuke thought in disgust, lip curling. _Tactless idiot._

If Sakura seemed taken aback by his openness, she didn't show it. She shook his hand, obeying social niceties, and then went back to keeping her distance. "Um, that's thoughtful of you," she replied with the first words that came into her head.

Naruto gestured to Sasuke. "He said you guys met before, right?"

She nodded. "We did…"

Sasuke looked away moodily, grunting. Naruto rolled his eyes and gave Sakura a hopeful smile; they had surpassed the realms of awkwardness and were now grazing happily in the pastures on the other side. Only a brick of a person like Sasuke would refuse to partake in light-hearted banter.

"Um," Sakura glanced at Sasuke, before returning her gaze to Naruto. "Did you… want to talk about anything in particular?"

Naruto frowned. _She's still uncomfortable… gah…_

"Uh, no," he grinned at her boyishly. "Although if you haven't eaten already, maybe we can go get some ramen? We'll take care of you, and answer any questions if you have any!"

("_Ramen is the best food in the __**world, **__Sakura-chan!"_

"_**Fine**__, we can have some. Only IF you promise not to have any tomorrow."_

"_Aww, but…!"_)

The dizzying sensation of memories fighting to escape their confines assailed Sakura's senses. She doubled back, grimacing at the sudden headache it brought on. Naruto furrowed his brow in concern, but when Sakura stumbled, it was Sasuke who steadied her with a grim look and stiff posture.

_Ha, I know your game, _Naruto grinned inwardly at his friend, as Sasuke moved back to his original position after tending to the girl.

"You okay, Sakura-chan?" the blonde boy asked next, baby blues filled with genuine concern.

"I'm fine," the pink-haired girl replied, hand pressed to her forehead. "Ramen. Yeah. I'd like that."

_And the questions answered, _her thoughts added.

_**CHA! **_was Inner-Sakura's contribution.

Naruto and Sasuke. She had familiarised herself with them via her photo collection, reminiscing over what she'd have liked to remember about those times, and what she wanted to know now. She had reached a conclusion––she wanted answers, and Naruto was her key to them.

As they made their way to the ramen stall, Naruto felt the pressure of Sakura's condition constricting him. They had been close friends, and he had loved her as a sister; his feelings for her had overpowered anything else. But seeing her now, here, different––it made him regard Sasuke's theory with a better understanding.

It was an escape.

* * *

Tsunade looked up from the missives she had received from Suna to see Kakashi standing there, nose buried in the latest edition of Icha Icha. Her amber eyes narrowed to slits, because Kakashi's need to arrive inconspicuously meant he was concerned. Indeed, there seemed to be some sort of stress lacing his movements.

"How did it go with Sakura?" enquired the Hokage, without preamble.

"She's still very _wilful_," Kakashi smiled from beneath his mask. "And still as insolent as she always was."

"I have the feeling that's not all there is to it," Tsunade replied tiredly, seeing the hazardous half-circles surrounding the man's eyes, and the way he seemed fractionally slower in his movements.

"I've been researching," he shrugged. "Trying to find out what could cause Sakura's special case of amnesia."

"We already have had our most skilled medics try to find a cure, including myself," the woman glared. "If _we _haven't found any answers, then I doubt––"

"I'm not calling you incompetent," Kakashi interjected coolly. "But I stumbled across an interesting theory last night."

"Pray tell?" Tsunade asked mockingly; she didn't doubt Kakashi's abilities, but was slightly offended he believed he could summon forth the answer with the wave of his hand, when trained and experienced medics had failed to find one even after a year of in-depth research and experimentation.

"Sakura…" he looked thoughtful, and a certain fondness passed over his face as he recalled his spirited student; the one he had always left behind. "When I was training her, I found she had excellent chakra control––which you already know, obviously. I was thinking back to what exactly could have caused this amount of control, considering she does not belong to any particularly spectacular clans… indeed; her parents are not even ninja."

Tsunade fell silent, tracing the gaps in the woodwork of her desk with her eyes. "Your point?"

"I was talking with Miss Yamanaka the other day," Kakashi continued coolly. "And she recalled the fight she had with Sakura during the preliminaries for the third stage of the Chunin exams, when they were twelve. She said that she was forcibly removed from Sakura's mind by some other entity––something else that coexisted in Sakura's mind."

The Hokage's lips were white on account of their being pursed together so tightly. Her hand gripped the poised pen she had above the documents from Suna, cracking it and sending ink to spill all over the missives.

"After being through something as traumatic as what happened…" Kakashi did not betray his own excitement at a possible breakthrough, but it was there. "The existence of another entity within her mind could complicate the process of remembering, couldn't it? The amnesia could've been induced by this entity, to keep Sakura from going into shock and consequently dying while her body was repairing itself?"

There was silence for a few moments.

"You're saying that… there's something _else _in Sakura's mind, and _it _is responsible for the damage done to her psyche?" was Tsunade's summary after she had finally regained the ability to command her vocal chords.

"I'm saying we should consider the possibility."

Tsunade relaxed back into her chair, barking for Shizune to clean up the mess that she had made of her desk.

_There's hope for my student yet._

* * *

"And so then after that, Neji got Lee into a headlock and Tenten thought they were both acting pretty stupid so she stalked off fuming, and that just made Neji angrier, so _Sasuke _here got involved and started to––"

"Dobe," Sasuke interrupted, glaring down at the ramen before him with distaste equalling what he felt about the current situation. _I don't even know why I'm here._

"Eh, sorry," Naruto scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "I got a bit carried away, didn't I, Sakura-chan? Well, you'll meet all these people soon enough, right? They're all your friends, and they miss you heaps!"

Sakura gave him a brittle smile, chopsticks hovering over her own steaming bowl hesitantly. They said that sensory abilities aided in memory recollection, and she hadn't had ramen since before the "accident".

"Of course I will," she said softly. _When Hell freezes over. _

Sasuke noticed her discomfort, and this only caused him to glare at the ramen even more viciously than before, launching a mental tirade against Naruto.

"Um, actually…I was wondering if I could ask you two something…" Sakura enquired courteously. Naruto beamed at her, glad she had taken the initiative to start the conversation.

_Baby steps, _was his policy. _Baby steps and soon she'll be our Sakura-chan again! _"Sure," he said merrily, slurping up his ramen with the grace of a two-year-old.

"Why did I lose my memory?" her voice had dropped a few octaves, adopting a no-nonsense and cold quality. "What happened to me?"

_I have to know… I need to know…_

_**Be careful! Seriously. You don't know what it'll do to you.**_

_I don't have a choice. I can't live a half-life._

The grin was wiped clean off Naruto's face, and replaced with a panicked look, as he sent desperate SOS signals towards Sasuke. The Uchiha rolled his eyes, wondering why the blonde hadn't seen it coming sooner––it would have been Sakura's only motivation to accept their invitation. She had had no desire to socialise with them before this.

"Why do you want to know?" Sasuke addressed her.

Sakura glanced at him in surprise, but managed to keep her voice level. "No one else will tell me," she said slowly, deliberating the weight of every word. "Everybody else tells me that I have to talk to somebody who was there. And you two––you two were there. Everybody talks about your "heroic" actions…"

Sasuke let a short bark of disbelief, equal parts a growl and a laugh, escape him. _Heroic actions? They can delude themselves…_

"I wasn't," Naruto spoke up quietly.

Sakura frowned. "What?"

"I wasn't there," he reiterated. "Not for all of it. I only came in at the end, after you'd––" he broke off. "It's Sasuke's choice to tell you, not mine."

Sakura looked at the dark-haired Uchiha hopefully. Every female at the hospital had swooned over him and his good looks––they called him the _prodigal son_, although she had no idea what he had done to deserve the connotations of that statement. Her mother had mentioned something of him leaving the village for a period of time in passing, but her knowledge of shinobi activities was limited.

"It's none of your concern," Sasuke snapped. "That happened in another life."

He left the bench, and his full bowl of ramen, and properly stalked off this time, ignoring Naruto's shouts and the feeling of Sakura's gaze being on him even after he rounded the corner.

* * *

"_It's been six months already…"_

"_We'll find him, Sakura-chan! We have to!" _

"_There was talk of __**him **__being near Konoha. He's after you, Naruto."_

"_And if we can find him, then we'll find the teme, too…"_

"_Be careful!"_

Sakura, drifting in and out of consciousness, heard these voices on the edge of her mind, playing over and over like a broken record.

"_There he is!"_

"_Sakura-chan! Wait! No––!"_

"_Naruto, I have to!"_

She rolled over to the side of her bed, clamping a pillow over her head to block out the garbled messages of once-familiar voices. She could not decipher their meaning, but the buzzing sound that accompanied their arrival was disturbing her slumber.

"_Sakura-chan! __**SAKURA-CHAN!**__"_

This distorted shout affected her more than it should have.

* * *

Sasuke was similarly experiencing a night of broken sleep.

"_Sasuke-kun…" she had barely changed, her hair still short and cropped. Thirteen. Barely older. "Come home."_

_And he had obliged without having a choice, bloodied and bruised from his latest encounter with Itachi, and she had carried him all the way back to Konoha, not stumbling once._

He growled. _Sakura… _

_She was fifteen now, hair fanning out around her face. "Sasuke-kun!" _

_Blood coloured her clothes before he had the chance to reach her._

"_Sakura!"_

* * *

_it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah _

A/N: So I finally got my act together! I had the first half of this sitting there for ages, but never finished it. I'm not exactly sure what I think of it yet, but it's more like a filler for the next chapter, so whatever. I will probably not update this again until I get further with _the Pinkish Green Saga, _but it will be updated eventually!

* * *


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